What It Means to be a Qawwam
Allah states in Quran chapter 4:34,
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ
“Men are the caretakers of women.”
The word قَوَّٰمُونَ (qawwam) is translated as caretakers, emphasizing responsibility and support. However, in Indonesia, it is often translated as leaders, which shifts the meaning towards authority and control. This mistranslation has contributed to misunderstandings that reinforce a patriarchal culture, where women are viewed as second-class citizens under men, rather than as equal partners with distinct but complementary roles.
A few days ago, I stumbled upon an insightful explanation of qawwam during a space on X hosted by @themuslimgaze. The discussion was quite in-depth, covering various aspects of its meaning and implications. Since it was a lengthy session, here’s a concise summary of the key points:
Active
The word qawwam comes from ﻗَﺎﻡَ, which literally means to stand, but in Arabic, it is often associated with activity. In the context of a man’s role in his family, this implies continuous productivity—he is responsible for providing for his household.
A man cannot shift this duty onto his wife; financial provision is his obligation, not hers. Of course, a woman can work and earn money if she chooses to, but it remains a choice, not a responsibility.
A man’s role as qawwam isn’t just about being active outside the home to provide financially; he must also be active within the household, ensuring that everyone is engaged and supported. This was exemplified by Prophet Muhammad ﷺ—he assisted his wives, mended his own sandals, sewed his clothes, and even carried buckets of water.
Being a qawwam isn’t just about earning money. A man is also responsible for playing with his children, educating his wife, and actively participating in family life. Financial provision alone is not enough; true qawwam in the home means being present, involved, and nurturing.
Basic needs
A qawwam carries the full responsibility of providing for the basic needs of his family, and this must come from his own earnings. His duty remains unchanged regardless of his wife’s financial status.
Even if she earns a high salary from her job, it does not reduce or replace his obligation to ensure his family’s well-being.
Stepping up
A qawwam actively manages and takes responsibility for the well-being of those under his care. The women in his household are his responsibility—he is their supporter, defender, and protector.
Whether it’s his wife, daughter, sister, or even his mother in the absence of his father, he steps up to ensure their needs are met and their rights are upheld.
Righteous
In many lectures, I’ve often heard that being righteous means placing things exactly where they belong—neither too high nor too low. This aligns with what Allah says in Quran 25:67,
وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ لَمْ يُسْرِفُوا۟ وَلَمْ يَقْتُرُوا۟ وَكَانَ بَيْنَ ذَٰلِكَ قَوَامًۭا
“They are those who spend neither wastefully nor stingily, but moderately in between.”
A qawwam must embody this righteousness, especially in managing his finances. He should provide for his family in a way that is fair and balanced—not extravagant, but also not miserly. His responsibility is to ensure his family’s well-being without falling into excess or neglect.
A strong pillar
A building may lose its roof, but as long as the pillar stands, it holds firm. Similarly, when problems arise in a household, a man as a qawwam must be the last to give up. He stands strong, providing unwavering support for the women under his care.
Consistent
A qawwam must have اِسْتِقَامَة (istiqamah)—consistency in his character. This means his thoughts, words, and emotions should be in harmony, reflecting integrity and steadfastness in his role. He shouldn’t say one thing but act differently, nor should he make promises he doesn’t intend to keep.
His position in the household is built on trust, and that trust comes from his ability to remain firm in his principles, regardless of circumstances.
Value
The term qawwam is derived from قِيْمَة (qimah), which means value. A qawwam must embody the values set by Allah in the Quran and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. His character, decisions, and actions should reflect these divine standards.
But it’s not just about upholding values for himself. A true qawwam ensures that the women in his life—his wife, daughters, sisters, and mother—feel valued and appreciated. His presence should uplift them, not burden them. If all he does is impose pressure and make his family feel insignificant, then he is far from being a qawwam.
Headmaster
I often hear people say that if a family is a school, the mother is the teacher, and the father is قَيِّم (qayyim), which shares a similar letter arrangement with qawwam, meaning the headmaster. Everything discussed so far revolves around responsibility, but this is where qawwam is often associated with having authority.
However, being a qawwam is not just about having the power to be obeyed. Just like a headmaster, he carries the responsibility of making decisions, managing the household, setting the direction for his family, and actively engaging with everyone under his care. His role is one of leadership, guidance, and active involvement, not mere dominance.
