500 Days of ...
As I mentioned in the about page, I may write non-technical content from time to time, and this is one of those occasions. This blog post will discuss relationship lessons I learned from a movie called 500 Days of Summer.
It is a romantic drama that follows Tom, who falls deeply in love with a woman named Summer, believing she is his soulmate. Despite their intense connection, Summer insists she doesn’t want a serious relationship, only to later marry someone else, leaving Tom heartbroken and questioning everything he thought he knew about love.
Here are the lessons I’ve learned after watching it at least three times and considering others’ opinions on the film. If you’re a guy seeking a serious, committed relationship but find yourself in a situation like Tom and Summer’s, these lessons may be particularly relevant for you.
Lower your expectation
Don’t rush into believing she’s “the one” just because you share similarities. Some people are meant to connect romantically but aren’t meant to stay together, and you might be in that situation.
Listen to what she wants
If she doesn’t want anything serious, just leave.
If she’s not ready for a serious commitment, ask her when she might be. If her timeline doesn’t align with yours and you can’t tolerate the difference, it’s best to move on. For example, if you’re both 25 and she wants to get married in her 30s while you prefer to marry by 29, better find someone whose goals match yours.
Don’t invest your time and effort in someone whose visions aren’t aligned with yours.
Interpret her treatment towards you cautiously
Be cautious when interpreting her actions. Just because she acts the way you like—such as asking about your day, complementing you, acting cute in front of you, or going on dates with you—doesn’t always mean she has romantic feelings. She might be like that to everyone or simply seeking company without necessarily being interested in a serious relationship with you.
If she likes you but only wants to be friends, you should revisit the section on Listen to what she wants.
Give space for disappointment
When you start a relationship, be prepared for the possibility that she might not be “the one.” It can be disappointing, but acceptance is crucial. If it turns out she’s not right for you, you need to let her go. While it might be challenging to find someone else, remember that there are other potential partners out there.
Don’t blame it all on Summer
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the actor who played Tom, has stated that it’s mostly Tom’s fault, not Summer’s.
When your relationship goes south, take a moment to reflect. Have you lowered your expectations? Have you truly listened to her? You might discover that you’re actually the problem, not her.
